Makimachine

I was going to write about what has happened since wednesday, how life is good, how I feel good about life and all is well.
That fate loves me and all that other crap.

But then...

A night like this comes, and you wonder what you have done to deserve such a fate.

Why you don't have the good looks that seems to be in such an abundance in this world, why you 
have such a bad personality that nobody really likes you. Why there is so many wrongs with yourself, more then there are good things.

It was not fun walking home from NH tonight, it took a long time, every step was a torture, a step 
away from anything good in life. 

I think I am gonna go to my bed, cry myself to sleep, turn off my emotions and ignore all that is life, because it would only make me more depressed.

Some nights you just know there is nobody  in the while wide world that would ever talk to you again, that everybody really sincerely hates you.
But then the next morning comes and everything is back to normal, I'll be back to my normal happy-go-lucky self with a smile always ready to give to everyone in my vicinity and make them laugh.

But not tonight, no, that is for tomorrow. Tonight is a night of hating the world and everything in it.

Sometimes I just don't know why these days appear either, it is as if they are always prowling for me, pouncing when it finds me in a moment of weakness.

I had a wonderful night with the friends from ÖNN barbecuing and watching Eurovision Song Contest and then going out to NH where me and Kristina made the dancefloor unsafe all night long.

But then, as I'm on my way home, the abyss opens up and swallows me in it's terrible, horrible, jaws.

These nights always comes when I've had my best moments, my best days in a long time, why does it happen to me?

It is as if fate want to balance out my happy moments with the bad ones, or maybe he is just jealous?

Now I am going to bed, cry my tears dry and hate all that is good in the world because none of it has been given to me, just for this night. For I know I will feel wonderful tomorrow again as everyone always seems to think I am, that I am always happen, ready with a smile.

And I'll probably wonder why I was oh so clever to write this in the middle of the night and wonder if I should just delete it all, but nah, it is a public diary after all.

But I am kinda used to this by now anyway so...

Song for Tonight: Mauro Scocco - Till De Ensamma (Eng: For the Lonely)